Since we use this blog as a type of family journal, I try to record things that we do as a family and keep a positive spin on things so that *hopefully* someday when our kids look at the blog book, they'll see it and have happy memories. I don't want to be complaining about hard days all of the time.
However ...
some days this kid tests my limits.
He is such a ball of fun, and sooo happy, but also stubborn. We are really working with him (and have tried to since he was little) to help him not have the "older sibling" complex where he's bossy and always needs to be right, first, etc. However, some days I feel like a complete failure. Today, we spent about 30 minutes discussing why sometimes I get to choose what we play first. I wanted to say, "Don't you know how lucky you are that your mom is home with you to play with you! Don't you know how lucky you are that I am willing to sit and play pretend animals with you ... the same scenario over and over again!" But, I remained calm and just reminded him how we have to practice being a good friend at home, and he needs to know how to share and take turns with friends and since he's the oldest, he gets to practice with me.
Ugh. I don't even know if it sunk in. Afterward, he still kept talking about how he really wanted to play his game first.
Some days, I feel like preschool is really helping him and other days I'm afraid he's getting more attitude from other kids there. Not cool. I just want him to be a nice, kind boy. I want him to be a good example to the other kids.
And most of the time, I think he is doing SO well!
But, some days, I feel like he's a crazy man running around!
And then I remember....
He is four.
He is four.
I have such high expectations of him. And I try to remember that he is LITTLE. He is going to act out sometimes. He doesn't have to be a perfect listener all of the time. I WANT him to be, but he's going to be obnoxious sometimes. I know I was all of those things at times as a kid, but I think my parents were also more patient.
So, I'm learning.
I don't know if this will help anyone except for me. But, it was good to get it out.
Any suggestions for helping little boys to be responsible, good boys?
I just want my kiddos to know they are loved.
And to be an example of a Christlike person.
Here goes trying. :)
4 comments:
You are not alone in your thinking. I have those same thoughts with all of my kids. Each one has their own personalized button and they know just how to push it to get on your nerves just so.
I think that what has worked the best for us is to set boundaries and although our kids will test them, they know there are certain things we will not tolerate. This changes according to their age obviously. We too have high expectations and have to remember to let them be the age they are and love them. You are doing a great job. Being a parent is hard. I wish as a kid I understood that more. You just want to get to the next stage of life when you are a kid.
I hope that helps.
Oh, don't feel like a failure. I feel the same way with Ava a lot of the time. Of course she's not able to communicate a whole lot right now, but it's so hard to want your kid to be super well-behaved all the time, when developmentally they're just not going to be. It takes so much patience... sometimes more than I have. But as long as you continue with being persistent and consistent with your teachings/disciplining/loving towards him, he'll grow to be a good, Christ-like kid in the long run. Don't doubt your influence on him, even if it's not immediately seen! :)
If your parents were more patient than you, it is only because they'd already been through seven (?) other kids. You are incredibly positive and patient with Spencer, and mellow and always looking for teaching opportunities. You ARE doing a great job.
I will add, however, that it wouldn't hurt him to hear those thoughts you were thinking. He IS lucky to have you at home with him. He IS lucky that you're willing to play games with him, and that you're teaching him how to be a good friend. You're giving him a plethora of advantages, and I don't see any reason why you should feel you can't point that out to him. Help him count his blessings.
And let him see the natural consequences he'll get with his friends; that if he doesn't ever let them choose or go first, they're not going to want to play with him. Close up the game shop, and tell him it's time for him to play on his own until he's ready to take turns and be a good friend. That's real life, only without the name calling and crying. :)
I don't know why I am just now reading this, but I am. So sorry! First: you are an AWESOME mom. Like, the mom that all us other moms strive to be. I wish I had half of your patience or ability to swallow your frustration. You've seen me lose my cool with Jack because of all the things you listed...they are little, they are four, they are incredibly smart and stubborn and irritating. It's so hard to instill good values and to remember that every day, every single MINUTE, they are watching you. Observing how you handle yourself and your surroundings. So when I yell at other drivers (oops) or my voice starts to raise with Jack (and now with Caroline...it'll happen with Daniel at some point too I promise!)...I actually remind myself to be more like YOU! Calm down, take a deep breath, what would Chrissy say? Don't get yourself down. All of the things you said are natural feelings and growing pains. Hang in there, mama!
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